the sinner in me
2009 Resolutions
Keep studying
Be a great boyfriend, and a good son
Be more all-rounded
Stop shrinking and start growing again
Be able to answer to myself
My Second Wind
I fear stagnation and lack of progress. I fear never reaching my potential and being average. I fear being forgotten. The past. Yesterday's news. I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night. I fear letting those I love down, letting myself down. I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset. I fear dying without leaving my mark. I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along. These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear.
i have never been as busy with school as i am now.
the fallen saint left at 10:58 pm
sometimes i wish i could tell someone in his or her face to fuck off, without having to worry about burning bridges.
the fallen saint left at 11:46 pm
i woke up this morning and walked out to the living room to pick up the sunday times. the odd thing is, i don't usually read the local newspapers because i personally think they possess a rather limited perspective, and i find this especially true when it comes to the weekend editions.
the fallen saint left at 1:34 pm
the fallen saint left at 1:15 pm
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
helter skelter
ideally one would like to put it down to there being more things to do for this semester, but i believe it's probably because i'm buckling down and getting more involved in my academics too. the combination of the two is quite frightening, but at least i know what i'm doing this time around.i've never been one to brood over academic grades and results, and now is no different, but i know i'm putting my mind to learning what i can from my time here and not letting it go to waste. work is work, and busy-ness will be perpetual, but it can only last as long as the semester is ongoing.right then, it's about time to stretch my endurance.
Friday, January 18, 2008
i don't need this
if only people knew when they've overstayed their welcome, such a consideration would never be necessary, but as it stands now, i don't like these silly games you're playing and i'm not amused one bit.so fuck off.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
only human
but this post is not meant to slag the sole local press publication. i was flipping through the pages when on page 39 i saw a familiar face, but in a very unexpected section of the newspapers.she was my secondary 2 english teacher.and she was gone.that was at about 11am. i'm still speechless about it now. i'm useless when it comes to such matters, not least because i've had little experience at dealing with such situations, which i consider myself fortunate for.back in those early years of my life, when i was a blundering 14 year old with little care for anything outside of my life, i didn't care that i was a rather well-liked student by my english teacher. i liked english as a language and a subject of study, but i was indifferent to who my instructor was because i felt the standard of english in my school wasn't on par with the best of them in the country. what seemed apparent in my later years in the school was the sole focus on grades, and absolutely nothing about the development of a love for the language.i don't remember her being typical of such a mentality, though. she assured us that in our second year we would have our fundamentals solidified before a writing flair would be developed in later years. i took her word for it, and although she didn't teach me after 2000, somehow i believed her words. she was dedicated to her work, and i don't care if others should disagree, because i speak from my own experience, and it is not of my interest to dissuade if people should think otherwise.thank you, mrs nair, for being a part of my education for that one school year, and may you find peace, wherever you may be now.
Friday, January 11, 2008
new year, new hair
yeah so i've sported this look before. so what? i've had long(ish) hair for almost the whole of last year, so cut me some slack. pris, i bet you never thought i'd be so narcissistic as to post my picture on my blog, right?so the new year's here and i haven't written in this space since. i don't think any of you care, anyway, and i'm growing less concerned with blogging unless there's something i need to vent my frustrations about or a monumental incident occurred. either of those is difficult to come by these days. i just don't give a shit most of the time.evidently i haven't managed to fulfill much of last year's resolutions, and i was contemplating my 2008 resolution to be to fulfill 2007's. i don't care if you think it's lame, because these things were put up there for a reason. no, it wasn't to entertain any of you.and as disillusionment mounts, i've decided to be more selective about the people i allow close around me. i used to always help people wherever i could, out of sheer enthusiasm, but i realized in the past year that time is getting more and more scarce, and trying to be a saint is wasting precious waking hours. in simple terms, if you aren't worth it, then your problem stays with you.i don't want to burn my bridges, but i'm not afraid to tell people to fuck off either.i didn't do well for my first semester, and i'm rather annoyed at myself. there are a few possibilities for this outcome, and none of them are excuses. friends of mine will know i don't settle for excuses; you either do the hard yards or you don't expect to reap any rewards.that wraps up the good news.sometimes you don't want to let go of people close to you. they've spent all the years in your life and you love them so dearly. but immortality is a scary thought and at times, ignorance is bliss, although i do relish the opportunity of immortality if it presents itself, with my own reasons.i have to stop being afraid and get on with it.